My Husband Now Works from Home
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It’s been over three years since we started this remote dance, my husband and I, here in our house, where pre-pandemic I’d worked remotely on my own for years.
Not anymore. As more companies shed real estate, a new job made his remote-til-we’re-back-to-the-office situation permanent.
As a result, an entire room in our increasingly tight — thanks to a growing tween and teen who also live here (!) - urban house is devoted to a home office for the foreseeable future. We spend more money on food (especially snacks and sparkling water), toilet paper, and office set-up gadgets. I’m sure our water and energy costs are up due to us being here together 24/7 - we certainly run the dishwasher more often.
And of course, we spend a lot of time together! I don’t think it’s the life we envisioned at this stage.
“You picked up lunch and didn’t get me anything?”
The words spilled out of me like a wounded co-worker who was in the bathroom while the lunch menu made the rounds. “I was just out walking the dog and didn’t think about it,” my husband responded. “I’m so sorry.” Coworkers don’t treat each other like this, I pouted.
Except we’re not coworkers.
We’re a married couple who met at work almost 20 years ago. Post kids, I took the lead on the home front because work is greedy, and have now worked from home for 10 years, working as an advocate on behalf of women around the need for flexible work structures. They’re essential to parents (and while I have you, so are child care and paid leave). It’s a shame it took a global crisis to wake people up to alternative work structures.
For years his job was always a commute away with lots of travel and demanding, relentless pressures. We had little together time between work and kids and life and family — we often communicated best over text in those days.
So in many ways, the rhythm of three years here together has been good - there’s no need to text! But I do worry that we’ll stop growing individually if all of our time is spent in this same space all the time — what it will do to our relationship and the kids.
“The best way I can put it is, it feels a little crowded, not in a mean way, but, like, there’s no privacy. You’re everywhere,” my 11-year-old son told me.
We are. Hovering. Even more.
As companies work to bring employees back to the office a few days a week, I’m finding myself a tad jealous that neither my husband nor I will be called back. As grateful as I am for how well this experience ment has gone, I’m also pretty sure we both miss the act of parting, having independent experiences, and the anticipation of coming together to share.
“How was your day?”
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I've come to realize that the flexibility of working from home is truly unparalleled. It eliminates the necessity of commuting, gives us the freedom to work from any corner of the world, and liberates us from the traditional confines of office life. Remember the 90s, 2000s, and 2010s when we were shackled to our office desks for long hours? Those days are far behind me now.
The advent of remote work has been a blessing. As we look towards the future, it's my fervent hope that individuals are afforded the choice to decide their preferred workspace. Even as companies consider hybrid models, with employees spending a few days at the office each week, the primary concern should be a manageable commute.
The benefits of remote work extend beyond the individual - it also has a broader societal impact. Fewer commutes mean less pollution, which is a significant step towards environmental preservation. Moreover, it fosters better mental health and often leads to increased productivity.
While I understand the allure of office life for some - the camaraderie, the impromptu brainstorming sessions, even the simple act of parting and later coming together to share experiences - I firmly believe that this should be a choice rather than a default expectation. The traditional office lifestyle is not for me anymore.
Perhaps it's time for you and your husband to redefine your lifestyle. You might consider seeking new, independent experiences and ensure that you find time to enjoy them separately. These individual experiences could then become a fresh source of stories and shared joy in your relationship. Working from home has its merits, but I believe the traditional office life, with its own set of advantages, should be a choice, not a forgotten norm. My two cents.